


Give Me Your Game

by TheQueenOfAlexandria



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Future Fic, M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2018-12-07 11:23:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11622522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQueenOfAlexandria/pseuds/TheQueenOfAlexandria
Summary: Years after graduation Andrew and Neil find themselves at a crossroads.





	1. Chapter 1

"Hey did you want to come out after the game tonight?" 

Andrew stared at the striker in front of him but the man did not flinch. In fact, his smile seemed to grow the harsher his gaze became and the longer Andrew avoided answering. 

"You must be new here," he said mocking then forcing his voice sound as detached as possible. It did not come out as naturally as it used to. Bee would be proud. ”I don't go out with the team."

That was not strictly true. He tolerated enough of his teammates that when he did receive an invite he could be counted on to at least show up. Still, some of them were still wary in his presence so invites were a little far between. 

The new kid did not need to know any of that though. 

"Lucky for you the team is not invited," he replied as he stuffed the last of his gear into his bag, but he looked up at Andrew when he said "just you."

Neil did not have a game that night, but he did have some kind of fund raiser that he was obligated to attend. Andrew would not be expecting a call that night. Also, he was hungry. And after a week of strenuous practices and a difficult game he could use a drink. 

"Fine," Andrew, relented after what felt like days of trying to deter the other man with silence and death glares. "But you are buying."

"Of course," the striker replied easily. "I'm the one who asked you out."

Andrew felt his heart skip a beat but stopped that line of thought immediately. Brent Davis was not asking him out on a date. People did not ask Andrew out on dates. He did not mean that this was a date.

Andrew had been in therapy long enough to realize that he was getting better. He could hold a conversation without the threat of death. He would willing sign autographs for fans, and for reasons unbeknownst to him he did have fans. It didn't even matter that he was contractually obligated. After years of spending every hour with Neil and the rest of the Foxes he was even getting better at opening up to people. 

Still, he had a reputation. Everyone, especially everyone in exy, knew about his past. It was not like rivals and critics didn't bring it up every chance they got. 

This was not a date. 

It was right around when Brent slowly reached out to grab his hand and leaned in carefully with obvious intent that Andrew changed his mind. 

The night had started off predictably with Brent rehashing the game they just played like the exy loser he was. Unpredictably, that line of discussion ended fairly quickly. Apparently, Brent really could strike up a conversation with a corpse and proceeded to talk to the bartender, the waitress and the grandfather sitting next to him at the bar. 

He never ignored Andrew but seemed to know instinctively when the other man was going to contribute and when to carry on the conversation himself. He often made keen observations about the other patrons around them that may or may not have made Andrew's lips twitch up into a quick smile. By the time he found himself alone with Brent in the hall by the bathroom he was even willing to admit that he was enjoying himself. 

He let Brent lean him gently against the wall. 

Brent was hot. He pushed all of Andrew's buttons so carefully. He waited for the no without ever being told that there were numerous and invisible boundaries in place. 

And for one split second, Andrew did not want to tell him no. 

"I am going to kiss you right now," Brent whispered so softly, his blue eyes searching Andrew's face, his dark hair looking incredibly soft. 

And then the split second was over. His eyes were the wrong blue. They were not bright, but more gray and stormy. His hair was not quite long enough to run his fingers through. He was almost right, but not quite enough. 

"I have to go," Andrew said, shoving the striker off of him not so gently. Maybe he should have apologized to Brent for ruining his night, but right then he only had enough room in his mind for one man and it was not the one in front of him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil comes home.

Neil climbed the stairs to his walk up in exhaustion. The reality of being a professional athlete still felt like a dream, though admittedly Neil did not love all of it. The hand shaking and smiling that events required usually left him more hollowed out than he liked. After last night's charity auction and that morning’s tour of the Children's hospital he felt more than a little drained. By the time he made it to his apartment he was ready to fall back into bed.

Apparently Andrew had other plans.

"Hey," Neil said as he kicked he shoes off by the door. "I didn't know you were coming today. You should have called me."

It was not unheard of for Andrew to show up unannounced but it had been happening with less frequency lately. Though, it was not unwelcome. In fact, the unexpected visit made Neil's nerves tingle in excitement. 

Then Andrew met his eyes and Neil felt the urge to run, run, run. 

"I almost kissed another guy," Andrew said as a way of greeting. To anyone else he would have sounded calm, but Neil had been able to read him for a while now. Andrew was so angry he could hardly meet Neil's eyes. His fist were clenched tightly at his sides and he made no moves to get up. 

Neil could barely think any thoughts before the words spilled out involuntarily. 

"Are you here to break up with me?" Neil asked and immediately felt stupid. Break up? They had been together for 7 years, but Andrew still had yet to refer to Neil as his boyfriend. Would it even be called a breakup if they stopped seeing each other? Neil didn't know. 

He had never even considered what would happen if their relationship ended. It had never been a thought in his mind. But its not like they ever talked about a future together. Neil had just assumed that this was it. He assumed Andrew would always want him. God, he was so stupid. 

"No," Andrew growled. Neil couldn't figure out if he was mad at Neil or himself. 

He waited for Andrew to say something, anything else but the other man seemed to be shutting off completely. It had been awhile since he saw Andrew like this. He had overcome so much in their years together. He almost never shut Neil out anymore. 

Or so he thought. Maybe Neil just didn't realize when he was being shut out anymore. But right now was not the time to worry about that. Right now, he needed answers. 

"Who was it?" Neil asked. 

"Brent Davis," Andrew answered immediately. Even though this was the last conversation Neil ever wanted to have, he breathed a quiet a sigh of relief. Andrew was willing to give him answers as long as Neil was willing to ask the question. 

"Good player," Neil said. At another time, Andrew would have scoffed at his one track mind. Right now, he just looked defeated. 

Brent was a good player. He was one of the youngest strikers to go pro having the foresight to only sign a four year contract with the Longhorns. Fans likened him to Kevin Day in terms of talent, though critics often shot down the comparison.

Even so he was beloved. He had the personality of Jeremy Knox with a mean streak that rivaled only Neil himself. He could tear an opposing team to shreds with such charm and charisma that even those on the receiving end seemed to enjoy his harsh words. 

Neil hated him.

The fact that Andrew had chosen Brent though did not make any logical sense. Andrew was different than other people. He would not be swayed by pretty words and teasing phrases. He would not even be tempted by good looks alone. 

It took him almost a year to work through his own attraction to Neil enough to make a move. 

But that was seven years ago. The Andrew in front of him was an entirely different person now. Suddenly he felt like Andrew was a stranger entirely. The past that they shared. Their words. Their truths. Their yeses and noes all seemed so far away now. 

"Why?" Neil asked, quietly enough that Andrew was forced to look up at him. Andrew searched his face for a moment before answering. Looking for all of the questions Neil wanted to ask but could not vocalize. 

"I didn't forget you," Andrew answered, gruffly forcing the words out. Right now he owed Neil all of his truths. "I didn't forget anything that happened between us, but I did forget. I did forget...feeling."

He shook his head a little as if he were trying to come up with better words, but there was nothing. 

"It's been so long. I don't remember feeling," Andrew admitted. He stood up to face Neil. Seeing him stand, Neil realized how much he had shrunken into himself. They met each other gaze head on. 

Andrew lifted his hand to cup Neil's face. But stopped short. Waiting. 

Neil wanted to say no. He wanted to punish Andrew the only way he knew how, but if he were being honest with himself he did not want to punish Andrew at all. 

The worst of it was that he understood. In the past 2 and a half years they had grown apart. Not that they were not involved in each other's lives but they were learning to survive without each other. Their respective therapists would probably assure them that this was a good thing, but right now Neil was not so sure. 

He leaned into Andrew's hand and he felt better than he had in weeks. He hadn't realized how much anxiety he had been holding without Andrew there. Then that thought made him sick to his stomach. 

He could function without Andrew. He went to practice and the gym with his teammates. Sometimes they went out together after games. He knew their boyfriends and girlfriends. He met their families. Sometimes he took Ellie to events with him as a date. Usually the press had a field day with that, but he and Ellie had an understanding. 

Still, there were times when he wished Andrew was there with him. He made him feel better. Whole. 

He hadn't realized that maybe Andrew had not been feeling the same way. Maybe Andrew needed something more. Something different than what Neil could give him. Maybe he had outgrown Neil completely. 

Andrew seemed to have relaxed slightly when Neil allowed his touch. 

"I want you to join my team," Andrew admitted, shattering their small moment of peace. "We need to be together or..." 

He didn't finish his thought but he didn't need to. Neil heard the unspoken words. We need to be together or this won’t work. Together we are something. Apart we are nothing. 

Neil couldn’t disagree. Just because they could live alone, didn't mean that they should. 

"You said you almost kissed him. Why did you not?" Neil asked. 

Andrew shot him a glare and for the first time that night Neil wanted to smile because Andrew more looked like himself than he ever had.

"You know why," he said, trying and failing to hold back the frustration in his tone. 

Andrew still had trouble admitting his feelings out loud and usually Neil was able to work around that. Now though, he needed to know what Andrew was feeling. He needed to be told exactly what had been going through the other man's head. 

Neil shrugged. "This time I need to hear why." 

"You are mine, Neil. You are everything."

Neil thought Andrew would leave if at that but he continued.

"We belong together but we have to be together. I need you so that I can feel."

Even if Andrew would never say the words directly, he could never again admit to not loving the boy in front of him. 

Neil leaned in to press his forehead against Andrew's. They spent a few minutes just breathing each other in before Neil broke the silence. 

"So what do we do now?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brent meets Neil

Andrew had ignored Brent's texts which was to be expected but he was also missing from Monday morning practice which was not. 

Tuesdays were their off days and normally Brent spent his afternoons at the gym. Andrew was usually there around the same time, but like the day before he was conspicuously absent. 

He had assumed Andrew was gay and the other man had never corrected him otherwise. Still, he was feeling more than a little stupid for having made such a move on a new teammate. Lesson learned or whatever. Not that he would mind if Andrew texted him back. Like once. 

He was so distracted by his thoughts that he hardly noticed the other man sitting on the locker room bench across from him. 

It took a few minutes before he looked up and found himself face to face with Neil Josten.

"Holy shit, man! What are you doing here?" Over the course of his school career he had never officially met Neil, though he always wanted to. A know nothing kid from who the hell knows where leading the worst team in Exy to win the finals. The story gave him hope. It gave him a chance. 

Now with Neil in front of him, regarding the him slowly, he could not remember why he ever wanted to meet him. 

He was secure with himself to admit the other man was scary as fuck. 

It's not like he was tall or all that built. Really, he seemed a little thin for a professional athlete. Still, there was something to his stillness that made Brent shudder under his gaze. 

From the way he was staring, it was obvious Neil was here for him, though Brent could not for the life of him figure out why. He waited the appropriate amount of time for Neil to introduce himself before he had enough of the stare down. 

He tossed his shirt into his bag and leaned over to shake the other man's hand.

"Neil, right?" He asked, even though they both knew Brent knew who he was. You couldn't be interested in Exy without knowing Neil Josten. "It's awesome to meet you. Big fan."

For the most part, other athletes tended to respond well when he admitted to being a fan. It helped feed their huge egos. Neil, on the other hand, simply looked at the hand as of it had offended him. 

Finally, he spoke and Brent kinda wished he hadn't.

"Yes. I am Neil," he said. "I'm Andrew's partner."

Fuck. 

"Fuck," Brent said. He was sure there were other words to be said but he couldn't think of any. 

"So I guess he is gay," Brent said out loud, though he wasn't quite sure why. "I had been wondering."

Neil looked unimpressed. 

"Look, I'm sorry. I had no idea. It's not like he mentioned anything," he said and then immediately felt guilty throwing Andrew under the bus. "I mean, it's not like I asked either." 

Neil swung his leg over the bench and leaned over, elbows to knees. It was a casual posture that Brent did not believe at all. He was good with people. He could read them well, it was how he survived. 

"Not public knowledge," he replied, waving the words away carelessly, as if they didn't matter. As if he did not show up to correct the mistake.

"Are you going to kill me?" Brent asked because that was seriously the vibe he was getting. 

Neil laughed at that, but it was not happy or comforting.

"No I am not going to kill you. Not yet at least," he replied. Seriously, not comforted. 

"Then what are you doing here? I promised nothing happened with Andrew. I mean it was about to but it was nothing," Brent said, though he saw a flash of anger in the other man's eyes. 

"I'm here to make a deal with you," Neil said. "Due to recent events Andrew and I realized that we work best while playing for the same team."

"And what does that have to do with me?" 

"Why did you start playing for the Rebels? Neil asked, rather than answering Brent's question directly. Brent did not like this meeting one bit. He could tell from interviews that Neil was sharper than he let other's believe. He could tell there were sides of him that not everyone saw or maybe no one else bothered to notice.

"Because they offered me the first contract?" Brent answered, dumbly. He was still trying to figure the other man out, but Neil gave nothing away. 

Neil nodded, considering. 

"How would you like to play for the Hawks?” he asked after a moment and honestly, Brent was floored. He really had signed with the Rebels because they were the first to offer him a contract. His contract with the school was up and though his coach pleaded with the board to extend it for another year, they would not budge. They saw Brent as an investment, nothing more. Him signing pro would attract more attention for them as a team, than him playing another year. The truth was if he did not get another pro offer he would have been back out on the street with nothing but a fancy diploma. He signed with the Rebels because he was scared. I mean, it wasn't like they were not a good team and the only person who could turn to for advice was his coach. Brent hadn't felt the need to wait for other options.

"Why doesn't Andrew just play for your team?" Brent responded instead of answering. Neil wasn't the only one with an attitude. He could play this game too. 

He pieced enough information together to realize that Neil was trying to kick him out. He was not invested enough with his team yet to be completely opposed to a trade. The truth was he would rather be traded than dead. 

"Andrew played for another team before he signed here. I'm sure you know by now that not everyone appreciates his talents. This team works well for him. I would never take that from him." Neil answered practically, but Brent could hear the caring under his flat tone.

"So what? You just want to set up a meeting with out coaches? Try to set up a trade?" Brent asked. He was actually interested in Neil's plan. He knew that trades were not that simple. There were outside forces to work with and around. Though, if anyone could pull off some kind of mastermind trade, he suspected Neil could.

Neil smiled in a way that made him look like a dick. 

"My team won't take you now. Not how you are playing now." Brent snorted as if he were pissed, but felt a little anxiety bubble in his chest. 

People were always telling him how great he was, how he was the next to make court, how he had a long career ahead of him. Usually, he shook off their compliments. He didn't believe them and he did not want to. So far, he had made it on luck alone. He wasn't going to easily forget that. 

But right now Neil's attitude and cocky words rubbed him the wrong way. 

"I'm the youngest striker to ever sign pro," he argued and by the way Neil looked at him he knew he already lost the argument. 

"That is true. And while some think it is due to talent, I am not sold. I think signing early was arrogance," Neil said, matter of factly. 

Most people assumed that Brent choose to go pro. Some kind of publicity stunt. If it was, Brent wasn't the one pulling the strings. He did go owe it to Neil Josten to tell him any of that.

"You could have spent another year learning and improving your game, but instead you choose to enter your professional career early. Congrats but you are playing with the big kids now. These players have spent years improving. In the grand scheme you are just starting out. You spent zero years as a captain, learning other's playing style. While I was a captain for 3 years. 

You are a strong player but others are better,” Neil said, offhandedly. It wasn’t an insult, but it wasn’t a compliment either. 

"You, you mean," Brent interrupted. He could be polite all day, but he loved having the last word. Unfortunately, for him Neil could list instigating as a skill on his resume. 

"For starters. Kevin Day. Jeremy Knox. Taylor Atwood. In a one to one match they would kick your ass. You wouldn't stand a chance," Neil replied. He did seem as murdery anymore, which was a relief. 

"What is the point of this conversation? What I tearing me apart doing for you? You already won. Andrew picked you." Neil rolled his eyes. 

"This is not about Andrew anymore. I want to train you so that you can take my place. So that they will be begging for a trade." 

The offer was...unexpected. His coach on the Longhorns had been interested in Brent and did whatever he could to help him further his career but his attention was obviously split between all of the players on the team. Neil had been the only one to ever offer any kind of assistance. It would have been mistake to turn him down, regardless of his intentions. 

"What do you need me to do?" He asked. He was all in. 

Neil looked satisfied by that response and for the first time that night his smile was not threatening. 

"Give me your game," he said.


	4. Chapter 4

Andrew watched from up high in the bleachers, unnoticed by the men practicing below. He wanted to keep it that way. 

So far, he and Neil avoided talking about Brent, but that would not hold forever. He noticed the tension in Neil’s shoulders that appeared whenever the conversation naturally drifted in that direction before he would quickly shift to another topic. Andrew suspected Neil did not quite yet understand what exactly he was supposed to feel about the situation and was avoided having to lie to him about it. 

For now, Andrew let him have his time to think. It wouldn't be beneficial to anyone Neil noticed Andrew had been spying on their practice. 

Neil had started Brent on old Raven’s drills and Andrew could have laughed at the irony of all of it. He watched Brent fail to impress Neil over and over again only to then have Neil gesture wildly back in obvious aggravation. The respect Neil carried on the court for the Foxes while he was their captain was no where to be seen. Andrew could not tell if Neil was keeping his distance purposefully or if he was actually mimicking Kevin out of habit. 

He wanted to make fun of Neil for truly turning into a mini Kevin, but it would have given himself away, so for now he sat quietly, attentively memorizing ever detail for when Neil was ready to talk. 

They had been spending every spare minute they had with each other and admittedly, it had helped. Neil refused to participate in any event or practice that was not mandatory, much to the disapproval of his team, but instead flew home to Andrew and to spend time on the court with Brent. 

Brent was fairly compliant, only backing down from Neil’s scorching words and impossible demands once by storming off the court in dramatic protest. He was most impressed when Brent pushed back at Neil with his own flares of temper. Whatever his initial fear of Neil was, Brent seemed to quash it pretty quickly. 

When Brent finally mastered the Raven’s drills, more quickly than Neil had Andrew noted, the way the two strikers working together was nothing short of amazing. Neil and Kevin were without a doubt the best strikers in the league, but their playing style was completely different. They played with a harmony of having known the inner workings of each other’s mind for years. 

Rather than play with obsessive precision and repetition like Kevin, both Neil and Brent played on instinct. Critics often compared Brent to Kevin, but it was obvious to Andrew that this was where comparison fell short. Their talent was undeniable but they were not really alike. Of course the comparison mostly surfaced because people wanted to like Brent, just as they wanted to like Kevin. Politics. 

It was for that reason Brent’s initial interest surprised Andrew so much. Kevin was a dream from the outside, but Andrew had the rare privilege of meeting the real Kevin right up front. He could see the damage and cracks right away. It was not surprising for someone like Kevin to reach out to Andrew, though the public did not know all of that. Brent, on the other hand, seemed to live by his public persona. He was just a friendly and charming behind the scenes so his interest in apathetic, silent, and decidedly dangerous Andrew did not make an sense. Had he met Brent years ago, Andrew was sure he would have ignored the other boy’s request entirely, even despite the initial attraction. 

Still, Brent played the game as if his life were on the line. 

It did make Andrew wonder what Brent had to lose. His curiosity was cut short when the practice going on before him came to a jolting end. Andrew was too far away, too locked out to understand the words that had transpired between the two strikers, but he could recognize Neil’s threatening posture from a mile away. Neither of them were particularly known for holding they tempers in check so Andrew bolted down the stairs as quickly as he could to reach the ring before anyone was killed. Though if it was Brent it would wind up saving him quite of bit of trouble. 

Andrew’s interference was unnecessary though since Neil simply threw his stick across the court and stalked off the court before Andrew could even reach the door. He banged into the locker room without a glance back. 

Idly, Andrew wondered when Neil had let his guard down enough not to notice Andrew at all. 

He watched the locker room door slam before he turned back around to face the court. Brent stood before him, his usually cheery face completely blank. He raised his eyebrow in silent question, but Andrew just shook his head. Brent returned one solid nod before turning his back to retrieve Neil’s abandoned racquet. 

Andrew left the court before Neil had a chance to recognize his car. He drove away thinking of Neil and Brent and another little lie between them.


	5. Chapter 5

Neil stood in the shower for a long time letting the heat work out the tension in his shoulders. He was annoyed though he could not pinpoint exactly why. 

He just. He just. He needed. He just needed…something. 

He knew Andrew had come to the stadium that day, but he wasn't about to draw attention to it. He would talk to Neil when he was ready. Whatever was going on with him he needed to work it out on his own. Neil knew better than anyone that he couldn’t control Andrews thoughts, he couldn’t make Andrew settle his own mind before he was ready to. 

In the end, he would always trust Andrew. For now, that was enough. 

Neil shut the shower off, breathing in the steam. He thought about going home. Meeting Andrew. Drinking coffee. Sharing cigarettes. It calmed him enough to pull himself from the shower and get dressed. 

His racquet was leaning against his locker but Brent was nowhere to be found. Neil did not know whether he went back to the court to finish the practice Neil abruptly cut short or if he left the stadium entirely without showering or changing. He didn't have it in him to care either way. 

Brent annoyed him but the truth was Neil’s temper tantrum was not Brent’s fault. He had been captain to enough volatile Foxes to know how to handle every kind of screwed up personality. Brent didn't even come close to being as needy or demanding or downright nasty as some of them had been. For the most part Brent seemed content, eager even, to have a chance to train with Neil. 

He acted apologetic without ever actually saying the words out loud. He never brought up Andrew. He trained with a focus that made Neil think that this fucked up plan of his could actually work. 

Maybe that was what set him off. Maybe it was the hundreds of questions Neil had swirling around his mind every time he was forced to look the other man in the face. Maybe it was the fact that he now knew for certain that he had lost Andrew’s attention. It was exactly what Andrew had warned him of since the beginning. Neil was just not interesting enough anymore. 

Brent was attractive. He knew that because when he called Nicky to ask about it the other boy rambled on for five and a half minutes about how he had “eyes like a hurricane” before it crossed his mind to ask Neil why he wanted to know. 

Allison had said something similar. 

But that was not what mattered. A pretty face would not keep Andrew’s attention for long. But something was. 

They had not been pulling away from each other. They also weren't working any harder to keep themselves together. Instead, they continued to share in the small things that made their relationship work in the first place. 

Still, Neil could quite stop his mind from spiraling. 

It took three days after Neil stormed off the court and three days of missed practices with Brent before Andrew was finally ready to talk. 

“I’ve been meaning to call Kevin and tell him you are stealing his personality,” Andrew said dully as Neil looked over the eggs he was making on the stove. Neil smiled, his back still turned to Andrew but said nothing. 

“You knew I was there,” Andrew said, but there was the hint of a question in his voice. 

“I knew you were there,” Neil agreed. “You came to watch him play.” He said it like it didn’t bother him. Maybe it didn’t. Neil couldn’t tell what bothered him anymore. 

“I came to watch you play,” Andrew argued, his voice suddenly sharp and Neil knew he wasn’t lying. At least not on purpose. 

At first, it was only Neil who could determine what Andrew was feeling under his bored tone. Eventually, emotions broke through, though not often. Anger, amusement, disgust could all be read plainly by anyone now. It wasn’t much, but it was something. Even when faced with Andrew’s endless rage, Neil couldn’t help but feel a spark of pure joy. 

“Maybe,” Neil said. “But you came to watch him too.” Andrew had nothing else to say, but clenched his fist tightly at his sides, digging his nails into his palms. It was telling enough. 

Neil turned off the stove before reaching out to grab his hands. They had been causally touching each other like that for years, but in this case Neil knew it was a risky move. He could have ended up with a black eye and it would have been no ones fault but his own. Instead, Andrew watched Neil carefully and unclenched his fist before sliding his hand into Neil’s. It felt like relief. 

Neil stepped forward, his intentions clear. This time though, he still asked. 

“Yes or no?” Andrew nodded causing Neil’s twitch upward on their own accord, but it wasn't enough. Not today. 

“I want to hear it from you, Andrew. Yes or no?” Andrew huffed in annoyance, but relented. 

“Yes, Neil,” he said, and leaned in closer to the other boy. Instead of kissing him, Neil ran his nose along Andrews jaw line, breathing in his scent. He didn’t smell like he used to. He had been cutting back on cigarettes significantly over the past few years and had not gone outside for one yet, but he still smelled like himself. 

“You came to watch him play,” Neil said again, but this time there was a question in his voice. He closed his eyes and trailed his lips down Andrew’s neck. He wasn’t teasing, he was just simply feeling. 

“Yes,” Andrew answered, though it was ragged with an unnamed emotion. Neil kissed him once for his honesty and ran his nose up along the other side of the man’s face, hands cupping his neck carefully. 

“You are interested in him?” Neil whispered against the shell of Andrew’s ear. He already knew the answer, but he wanted needed to hear him say it out loud. He wanted their truths spoken. 

“Yes,” Andrew repeated after a long moment of silence. Neil had been more than willing to wait it out, his forehead resting against the side of Andrew’s, but hen he spoke there was no emotion in his voice. It felt dangerous. Neil pulled away. 

“Are you attracted to him?” 

“Yes.”

The conversation was draining for both of them. Neil wanted to end it. He wanted to finish kissing Andrew, forcing them to forget about everything going on outside of each other. But this was important. 

“Are you going to leave me?” He asked because he had to know. He had stepped away from Andrew before he knew what he was doing. Andrew first looked angered by the space between them, but then looked devastated. Neil, who usually reveled with any emotion that Andrew bothered showing, did not think it was a good look for him. 

“No,” Andrew answered. There was not hesitation this time. He surprised Neil when he continued. “I am interested in him, but not like that. Its not like you. Its something else.” 

Neil tugged lightly on the bottom of Andrew’s shirt in question. Yes or no, he asked without saying anything.

Sex had never been like this for them. Hate sex, Nicky called it once, but it would never be like that. Not with them. Instead it was something sacred. Something they shared only with each other. 

Right now, it felt different. 

They were constantly checking each other, but their yeses always remained yeses. 

Andrew pulled his shirt off in one quick move and tossed it over into the corner of the room. Neil leaned down letting his tongue drag across Andrews skin from his neck to his ribs. His hands clutched roughly at Andrew’s hips. He fell to his knees looking up at the other man’s face as he kissed along his rib cage. It was Neil’s favorite part of Andrew’s body. The part claimed as his and his alone. 

The first year Andrew left Palmetto and Neil stayed behind, it had been months before they fell into any kind of rhythm. They talked to each other most days, but life was busy. Life carried on. They had seen each other a few times, weekend visits here and there, but it was never enough. 

Andrew had surprised Neil by flying in one Friday night to watch a home game. It was obviously unexpected, but welcome. Rather than stay at the dorms and be bothered by anyone else, Andrew took Neil to Columbia. They skipped Sweeties and Eden’s instead heading straight to their house. 

That night when Andrew peeled off his shirt, he hesitated just enough for Neil to notice. Andrew glared at the other man before pulling off his shirt roughly and tossing it at Neil’s face. Neil smiled when he caught it, but the playfulness only lasted a second before his attention caught on something else. The left side of Andrew’s torso was covered in an inky design that Neil had never seen before.

It was a simple line drawing of a fox that stretched from the top of his ribs to just above his hip bone. The fox stared back at him with bright blue eyes, the only color in the design. In his mouth he held a key. The key was large, one of those old fashioned skeleton keys, but the meaning was undeniable. The surprise visit suddenly made sense. Andrew had gotten a tattoo for him and wanted to show Neil without ever having to say anything about it. 

“I…” Neil began before Andrew cut him off. 

“Don’t say anything,” he warned. Neil was more than happy to oblige and spent the rest of the night putting his mouth to much better use. 

Even now, seeing the tattoo made Neil’s knees weak. Andrew knew what it meant to claim his own body. His scar were a horrifying testament to that. But with this, Andrew claimed his body for Neil as close to his heart as he would allow. 

Neil traced the key with his finger. 

“I don’t believe in regret,” Andrew said gruffly, startling Neil from his thoughts and answering the question left unspoken. Neil met his eyes for just a second before he had to look away. Andrew roughly grabbed his chin and tilted it back up. “And I would never regret you, if I did.” 

It was still shocking to hear him say things like this. They would never be a couple like Nicky and Eric shouting their love out to the world, but they were getting so much better at sharing it with each other. 

Neil didn’t trust himself to speak. Instead, he pulled himself off the ground and led Andrew to their bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying so hard not to make their growth as people too out of character but the struggle is real. Oh well. 
> 
> Next we will hear from Brent. Poor kid just wanted to go on a date.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.  
> So I think I said I would make this next chapter from Brent’s POV. Hm. Didn’t work out. I tried for so long and eventually just gave up and wrote this chapter for Andrew. Brent will be back though because he is a sarcastic asshole and I’m into it.  
> Much love. Hope you enjoy!

Andrew watched Neil as he drifted to sleep.

The other man looked calm, peaceful and Andrew realized he had not seen him like that in awhile. The tension between the two of them seemed to have reached its breaking point and yet they had survived. Together.

Andrew pushed himself out of bed carefully. During their first years together, both Andrew and Neil would wake every time the other so much as twitched or breathed too loudly. At some point they must have gotten comfortable with the other’s presence. Andrew still woke, but would no longer immediately reach for his knives.

Neil, on the other hand, would only fully wake 50% of the time, but now, when Andrew finally stood up, the other man did not budge. It should have been expected. Neil hadn’t been sleeping very soundly lately, if at all.

The bags under his eyes had been darkening at an alarming rate and his skin took on a sallow appearance. It was clear that he had not been eating, at least as well as he should have been. He was starting to lose some weight. Overall, his appearance reminded Andrew of a worse time, one he was fully intent on not reliving. 

None of the other Foxes had called Andrew to complain yet, so it was possible the differences in Neil were only noticeable to him. For now. 

For the past few weeks any time Andrew woke he found the other half of his bed cool and his runaway missing in action. Andrew would wake at five to find Neil gone and it was usually sometime after eight when he finally returned. At least he kept coming home. 

Small miracles.

This time it was Andrew that hopped in his car and started driving without any kind of plan. His hands twitched for a cigarette, but he refused to give in. If someone told him 3 years ago that he would give up smoking for playing a nonsense sport like stickball, he probably would have stabbed them. Or at the very least plotted where to hide the body when the time came. And yet…

And yet. 

His midnight drives had still been a welcome distraction. It was the one habit he would never give up. 

When he graduated he had passed the Maserati to Aaron, a move that had more than one Fox, begrudgingly handing money off to Neil. He hadn’t even told him his plan to leave Aaron with the car, so it surprised him that Neil had picked up on his intentions. No one had been more surprised than Aaron. Even Nicki would have not bet on Andrew giving up his car, to Aaron of all people. 

“What the fuck do you think you are playing at, Andrew?” Aaron screamed, his face scrunched up in anger when Andrew threw the keys at his chest. It was not a good look for him, which, more than anything, made Andrew vow to never look angry again. 

Andrew shrugged in response and made his way out of the room. He had no desire to sit around and explain himself. They did enough talking in their sessions with Bee, well Aaron did. There was no need to continue that behavior outside of the office. 

“I don’t know how to drive,” Aaron admitted quietly, as if he were secretly hoping Andrew wouldn't hear. 

Andrew raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Well who the fuck do you think taught me?”Aaron screamed hysterically, anger showing again. “You killed my mom when I was 16!”

The boys stared each other down, communicating more throughly than they had in years of therapy. Finally, Andrew blinked and began walking toward the door. 

“I don’t have all night, asshole,” He called over his shoulder, as he walked out of the dorm. Aaron looked back down at the keys as if he were really seeing them for the first time and processing what they meant, before following Andrew out into the night. 

Andrew bought his new Lamborghini before even looking for a new apartment. An extravagance, Neil scoffed at but wisely chose not to comment on. 

It’s purposes had suited him well, especially that first year away from Palmetto. 

By the time Andrew found himself parked in front of the stadium, he hated himself just a little bit more.

Of course, Brent was there.

Andrew watched him practice with a determined look, running through each move over and over. Loudly cursing himself for any minute flaw and sign of exhaustion.

Until that moment, Andrew never thought of himself as one for repeating his mistakes. No, he learned from his mistakes and he made damned sure they would never happened to him again.

Except here he was living through a different version of the same scene for the third time. First Kevin, then Neil, now Brent. His own versions of Scrooge’s past, present and future. He was sure his therapist would have had a field day with that line of thinking. The New Bee, as Andrew still continued to refer to him, liked metaphors, apparently, but wasn’t easily spooked.

He might have to call Bee to chat about it later. He wondered what she would say about that. 

He stopped himself to physically shake those thoughts from his mind. 

Kevin wasn’t just his past. After Riko died their deal had become sort of null, though neither of them ever mentioned it out loud. Protection wasn’t required anymore. Still, Kevin hadn’t neglected his end of their deal. Neil might have caught his interest but after Kevin saw the cracks in his indifference he pushed and pushed until Andrew started pushing back.

After graduation, they drifted. Kevin busy with his new team, new life, new addictions. It had been months before they spoke, at least until Thea called and offered Andrew a new deal.

No, Kevin was not just his past.

And Neil was still his future. 

That left one person unaccounted for.

Brent jumped and lifted his racquet like a weapon when he heard the court door bang. 

“Interesting,” Andrew thought as he stepped into the brightly lit court from the black. 

“Why?” Andrew said and made no point of further clarifying his line of thought.

“Jesus Christ, you creeper. Can you give a dude a little warning next time?” Brent called, exasperated, lowering his racquet to a less threatening position.

Andrew stared. Brent sighed.

“I couldn’t scare you away,” Brent said simply, answering the question even Andrew himself wasn’t sure he was asking. 

The thing about Brent was that he never backed down. He never turned away from a challenge. He never left a question unanswered. He was a fighter but why? 

He turned away from Andrew more content to collection the balls scattered around the court. Andrew made no move to help him and instead focused all for his mental energy silently willing Brent to continue.

As of hearing his thoughts, Brent turned back and smiled brilliantly. For the first time, Andrew could recognize a falseness in his smile that he was sure was not there a minute ago. 

What was that about? 

“I recognized you,” Brent continues, shaking Andrew from his thoughts. His answer was so predictable, so mundane, it left Andrew more than a little disappointed. Everyone recognized him. Usually, they just recognized to stay the hell away. Why had it drawn this boy closer? 

Andrew needed to leave. 

“You are a runaway,” Brent called, stopping Andrew in his tracks. “Just like me.”

Now, that was something. Andrew turned, silently urging Brent to continue. 

“My dad died of an overdose before I was even a blip on his radar. My mom beat the shit out of me until one day she left me wrapped in a blanket outside of a grocery store. I’m pretty sure she thought she thought I was dead already, though I never got the chance to ask her. I heard from a social worker that she offed herself when I was ten,” Brent said. His expression didn't really falter. He didn’t look upset. He didn't have that manic smile, Neil sometimes wore when talking about his past. He looked, nothing. 

“Anything else I should know about,” Andrew asked, dully, as if he weren't desperate to know more about this man. 

What happened to him after that? How had he survived? What kinds of scars was he carrying around? He had seen Brent’s perfect body in the locker room, but he knew better than anyone that didn’t mean anything. Where was Wymack to scoop up this fallen asshole? What would have happened if he actually had wound up with the Foxes? 

“Nah, I think I am done for now,” Brent smiled at him, sharp and true, all hints of falseness erased. “Maybe next time.”

“There isn’t going to be a next time,” Andrew said, willing it to be true. He didn't need another cracked junkie to be taking up his time and energy. He had yet to be able to shake the last two. 

“Hm,” Brent replied, returning to his task of picking up balls. “We’ll see.” 

Andrew made it back to the court door before Brent called out again. 

“I think it's time you get your boy back to practice, don't you?” Brent asked. 

Andrew slammed the court door on him in response.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little, tiny, baby update full of angst with no resolution and not a lot happening. Oh well. Maybe next time?

Neil waited until Andrew was settled back into bed before rolling over and laying his head on his chest. When Neil began taking small comforts in Andrew, Andrew began allowing it. 

He waited another few minutes after that before he started speaking. 

“How’s he doing?” Neil asked, not because he cared, because he didn’t. He woke up to an empty bed, though really, he had not been surprised. He knew Andrew. He knew where he was.

“He said its time for you to come back to practice,” Andrew replied after a few moments of silence. “And I think he is right.” 

Andrew wasn't one for providing his own insight into Neil’s life unless explicitly asked. It was rare of him to be so forthcoming, especially about something as trivial as exy. When had that changed? 

It was obvious everyone who knew Andrew that he had long ago given up his aversion to the sport, that it had become important to him. Neil thought that exy had meant a future together. Maybe now it was Andrew’s future alone. Maybe it always had been. He deserved it. 

Neil let his mind race for a few moments before nodding in acquiescence to Andrew’s words. He couldn’t disagree, but he couldn't bring himself to admit the words out loud. He was being childish. 

He really needed to get back to work with Brent. He had a goal now. He always worked best with a goal. 

Really, it hadn’t been Brent’s fault at all. Truthfully, It had been nice to play like that with someone again. The last person to play with him like that was Andrew, but that had been too long ago. 

It was right before Neil’s graduation. The Foxes had lost their final game against the Trojans, but it had been a close match. Neil had been incredibly surprised that life without his Foxes continued. That he could still succeed without them standing by his side. 

He had been approached by more than a few professional teams. He choose the Hawks. He choose his freedom. He choose his life. 

And yet, he wanted nothing more in that second than to disappear forever. 

Rather than rune, he found himself standing in the middle of the court. Everyone was gone. The place was cleared out. The Foxes, new and old, had been invited to Abby’s to celebrate, but when it came time to leave, Neil couldn’t make his feet move. 

“Hey kid,” Wymack called with a gruff voice, but knowing look. “You did it. How about giving yourself a break for once?” 

“Of course, Coach,” Neil replied, not meeting his eyes, but instead looking around the locker room as if he could commit ever single sense of it to memory. As if he had not done that exact same thing a thousand times before. 

Wymack sighed, but left Neil alone with his thoughts. 

It was hours later when court door slammed open revealing the only person in the world Neil could stomach at the moment. 

Andrew was dressed head to toe in gear. He said nothing, but took his place in the away goal. Neil must have stared at him longer than he thought, because Andrew lost his patience and called out to him. 

“It’s fine, Junkie, take your time. Its not like I don’t have to leave in five hours,” Andrew said, looking down at his padded wrist for effect. 

“You weren't supposed to come,” Neil replied, finally finding his voice. He had not been upset that Andrew could not make it to the game, but he still felt his absence painfully. It felt like part of him was missing. 

“I figured I would give you the curtsey of practicing against me since you didn't do so well the first time,” Andrew said, casually. “How about we play a game, hmm? You take shots on me until I get tired.” 

Neil smirked and for the first time in weeks he felt like himself. Their first practice together had been a show, for Neil, for Kevin, for Andrew. In the end they had all got what they came their for.

He grabbed the bucket of balls from the side of the court and lined up to take his first shot at goal. Andrew smacked the ball back with easy confidence. It would have been sexy if the shot hadn’t been aimed directly at Neil’s knee. 

“Jesus Christ, Andrew!” Neil yelled. “I’m not wearing full gear!” 

“Well, then I suggest you put those running skills to better use. Maybe practice some dodging?” He dismissed. “I’d recommend trying to actually get the ball passed me if I thought you could manage it.”

Andrew’s teasing sent a jolt through him, shocking him out of whatever anxieties had been steadily working through his system. 

The played until they couldn’t anymore. Despite his threat, Andrew didn’t take aim at Neil again. 

They spent their last hour together in the shower, slowly learning each other all over again, reminding Neil that everything would be okay. 

The Hawks wanted Neil immediately after graduation, which left him no time to spend with Andrew in the summer. Usually, they took a few weeks in Colombia, completely alone and unbothered. 

That summer they had just been too busy. 

By the time they both caught a break around Christmas, exy was the last thing on their minds. They had both privately agreed to leave the sport behind them.

Playing professionally had been slightly different that Neil imagined. It was still amazing, but after years if playing with his family at his back it was difficult to revert back to playing with strangers. 

It had been years since his father was a threat to him. Years since his mother whispered in his ear that he needed to keep his head down and not let anyone close. It was hard to shake old habits enough to let people in. He had gotten better but he was nowhere near what others considered normal. 

Playing with his team had been exciting, but it was nothing compared to his nights playing alone with Kevin or Andrew. Working toward something. Pushing themselves toward impossible goals, unimaginable lives. It had been too long since he felt that thrill. 

Working with Brent had made him feel that again. And Neil hated him for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had an idea of where this fic was supposed to go, right? And it was all planned out.  
> And then I kept adding Neil and Andrew being tapped in their minds and not actually doing anything. (except each other but only once)  
> SOOO I am moving it on. I am ending the angst.  
> At least I hope so.

**Author's Note:**

> come follow me on tumblr. i need applause to live. 
> 
> [alexandriasqueen](https://alexandriasqueen.tumblr.com)


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